A big thing currently happening in my life is the ‘opportunity’ to move for love. I call it an opportunity because most days it feels like such a blessing that this is happening and that I have found someone that I see myself spending my life with. And of course, some days it feels very overwhelming, because the distance is huge: he is from New Zealand and I am from Europe (yes, we are a 24-hour flight away from each other). 

There are pros and cons to this potentially huge life event and I would like to share my feelings on the biggest ones. But let’s first start with a little back story!

Back story

So me and my beautiful partner met in September 2023 and it’s currently February 2024 (I can’t believe it’s only been six months). We were both on a holiday in Bali. I was there with my cousin who is the same age and he was there partly by myself and partly with some friends. After meeting we hung out a couple times, either with other people or just the two of us. After seeing each other a total of 6 times, we had to part ways as we were both going back to our countries. We left jokingly saying that we’d meet up again in Bali (or another place) the following year. But after being back for a couple of weeks it was clear: we had to meet up sooner than next year.

One thing led to another. We stayed in contact daily and I quickly booked a flight to New Zealand for after Christmas. It was an easy call who would visit who as it was winter in Europe and summer in NZ. I visited him for a total of three weeks. We went on a couple of trips, I met his friends and family and we just had a great time together. Things are great between us now and he is coming to Europe in June.

But after he’s been here, one of us is moving and we have decided it will be me who is moving to New Zealand first. Aaah, crazy right!? And mind you: I haven’t told anyone yet. Perhaps because I am also still in denial myself.

Why am I the one moving?

So why am I the one moving? Well… it’ll be the easiest. My partner has a good job right now with a lot of potential, whereas I have an “ok” job with an “ok” salary that I mildly like and hope to move on from anyways in the not-too-far-away future. Another reason is the language barrier: I am fluent in English, whereas my partner doesn’t know the native language of my country at all. Although, the city I live in is extremely international and I think it would have great opportunities for him here. Then there are a couple more reasons: he has to be in the hospital every 3 months for checkups and he has a dog. 

However, all of these things (the potential language barrier, health requirements and the dog) can be fairly easily overcome in my opinion. So in conclusion: I am moving because my partner has the better job.

Good feelings I experience

The dominant feeling I have daily is that this feels really, really good. I mean, it is a BIG thing. I am potentially moving across the globe for someone else, away from my family and friends. And it is not just a relationship: this is the real deal. I am 28 and I am ready to settle down and start a family, which I would love to do with my current partner. And he feels the same way. So overall, it feels absolutely amazing. Meeting him, being on this journey together and constantly talking about the future is adding so much to my daily happiness and how good I feel about my life. It is literally the best thing that has happened to me in years and I cannot express in words how grateful I am that this is happening.

 

Feelings of fear and doubt

But, obviously I also have feelings of doubt and fear. As I just mentioned: I would be moving away from my friends and family. And if I have to list the most important aspects of my life right now, they are: my best friends, my family, my significant other and working towards a forever home. The first two are here, where I currently am, and the last two are half a world away… So do I want to give up my friends and family to follow my heart. And how much is that all worth if I can’t share it with all the other people I love next to my partner? 

On top of having these worrying thoughts, I also find them hard to express to my partner. Sometimes I tell him that I don’t know if I could build a life so far away from my friends and family. He then tells me we will visit them every year, but I don’t dare to tell him that once a year wouldn’t be enough… I want to go 3 times a year, at any moment and preferably with him and our future children, I want my parents to come by every single week, I want to have family Sundays at least once a month, which is all not possible if I am on the other side of the world. So I find it very hard to navigate this in our relationship… So: this dilemma is to be continued.

My partner’s thoughts

So, what are my partner’s thoughts on me moving to be with him? He is obviously extremely excited. I already mentioned that just like me, he is looking forward to building a life together: to buying a house, getting married and having kids. I am probably not being fully honest about how I feel about moving away and how I see it in the long term. 

We have talked about the possible scenario of me wanting to go back to my home country at one point and he says that he is open to doing that and that being with me is more important than any of the reasons that are keeping him in New Zealand. But I do feel like he hopes that that will never really happen and we can just live out our lives there. 

Overall, my partner is very understanding of my feelings and my ties to my friends and family and for now, he is just very excited for me to move there and for us to be together.

The vision I have for my life

I am currently in the middle of going through a process that is helping me define the vision I have for my life and defining the core values that I wish to focus on. I am doing this together with an AMAZING coach, she is truly incredible. My dad offered it to me after the 86th conversation that we had where I was telling him that I still have no idea what to do with my life. And I’m so grateful that he hooked me up with the most incredible coach.

So, even though I am still in the middle of this process, it is already quite clear that the main focus of my life should be on intimacy. Which specifically means: my (future) spouse, my best friends, my family and my future children. And it has also become clear that having an incredible home, that is so amazing I love to spend all my time there, is at the center of my life. 

Having that in the back of my mind, it makes sense to choose my partner and my future family before anything else. However, I do envision my family and friends to be a part of that. So again, this makes it very difficult to decide to settle down on the other side of the world and I really don’t have a long term answer to it yet.

The plan for now

So what’s the plan for now? I am moving to New Zealand and I am aiming to commit to at least 2 years and to then see where we are at and if I see myself living there for the long term. 

In addition, I am going to be honest with my partner that it is very realistic that I would want to move back at one point in time. It might be 5 or 10 years down the line, but it is very likely to happen. And I will then leave it with him and let him decide how he feels about that. And he can decide in his own time if he really sees himself moving back with me when the time comes. 

I do find it all a bit scary, but my dominant feeling for now is excitement!